I feel like I've been saying good-bye to Layne a little bit at a time. He's not the same guy he used to be. Our relationship has change. I need to adjust. I truly believe that much of life is about finding a new normal. I have a blog about that and that could easily be its own post on this blog.
This is who I've said good-bye to so far:
the worker that provided for our family.
the man I have been intimate with for the past 18 years.
the runner I would anticipate crossing the finish line of a race.
the servant that did whatever he could to help others.
the handyman that took care of the yard and repairs of the house.
the boyfriend I would look forward to going on dates with each week.
the fellow restaurant patron that could taste a favorite dish and replicate it at home.
the tough guy that made me nervous when hearing about mountain biking adventures.
the father that took the time to be with and help his kids.
the brilliant mind that helped to engineer medical devices.
the consumer that was able to find the best deal.
the creative financial problem solver that has kept us out of debt.
the patient that has always been able to take care of his own physical needs.
the friend that loved playing games (board/card) with family, friends, and co-workers.
He still is:
an example to others.
one who shares his testimony.
a fighter.
He always will be:
my eternal companion.
Teresa, this is a window into your pain and your heart that is so heart-wrenching I am crying my eyes out and speechless. Beautifully written, raw, and honest. I am overwhelmed. I love you. Carolynn
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I've read such an emotive capturing of the loss, ever. I'm sitting in a hotel room by myself with tears running down my face, sensing that "I'm sorry" is a remarkably inadequate response for such pathos. I'm grateful for my sake you ended with "eternal companion" just to remind me that while time will not heal, the Master of the universe will return and restore with the greatest of abundance. But to be sure there is a lonely road between here and there. I love you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Teresa. For sharing this. For some reason, it reminded me of one of my first memories of you and Layne. It was before Dave and I were dating, but we all went to the First Presidency Christmas Devotional and then came to your townhouse for hot chocolate. Do you remember? Your boys were still tiny. And Layne remembered me, even though I had only met him once, years before. But he remembered me. That meant a lot and I have never forgotten. (I also remember that he made incredible homemade hot chocolate and that he had his arm around you a lot of the time. I remember thinking it was sweet.) I am so grateful that Layne was, and is, on my side. So grateful that he will ALWAYS be on yours. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteOh man! This is a tear-jerker! I am grateful that you shared this. I don't know how you had the strength to write it all down and then "put it out there." This is so wonderful to read!
ReplyDelete