Being Present

This week-end. I remember being in Houston last year. It seems odd that a year ago we were just starting to travel to Texas for Layne's treatments. I was thinking about how I missed going to the Women's Session of General Conference with my girls. They had a grandmother here for them. But, I missed going with them and sharing that experience. There are other things I'm remembering missing out on as well with the kids. I'm glad we're in town this year. The traveling got old pretty quickly. I like being with the kids. I want to be present for them. I know they need the support. There are times I still miss out on the fun things my kids get to do because others have been kind enough to take them places and do things with them while I'm here with Layne. I'm glad they're getting to experience things. I just miss experiencing those things with them. I also feel like there are times when I need and want to do more with them and Layne has a more immediate need - or there are other items that need to be taken care of immediately. I need to figure out a way to be more present with the kids.

Real Life Scheduling

Today I have been sad about the realization that we will be missing Megan's birthday, Rachel's first recital, and not being here for the boys on free comic book day. I feel like there are so many things we miss because we're working on trying to get help for Layne. I want to get him what he needs - but, I also want to be there with and for my kids. I feel like I'm missing out. I know some people would call it silly because we homeschool and I see more of my kids than other people might - but, that doesn't mean I'm fine with missing a birthday or a recital. (Free comic book day - I'm more ok with missing that one. The reason I feel bad about that one is because the boys look forward to it every year and sometimes it has been tricky to work it into the schedule. I only feel bad about it because it's important to them. The other things are important to the child and to me.) I want to be there for the kids and what's important to them. I want to be there for the experiences and the memories.
I feel bad about the things that the kids miss out on in order for us to go do what we need to do. I feel bad that they are forced to make sacrifices for something that they have no control over. It wasn't their choice to have their father have cancer.