Wednesday Co-Op

9/30/15
After church on Sunday I just 'happened' to run into another homeschool mom. She's in a different ward and we really don't get a chance to talk very often. I told her about Layne. She told me about a homeschool co-op that her kids are attending. The details sounded great. There were qualified mothers taking on the whole thing. I would not need to teach anything. I would just be dropping the girls off. The topics sounded like something my daughters would be interested in pursuing. The cost was very minimal - pretty much just contributes to supplies. And, the location is just a couple of minutes away. It was also at a time when we could make it work. I think 'someone' might have been trying to tell me something. The viewing and funeral took up most of Sunday and Monday. I called the gal yesterday (Tuesday) to get to the contact info for one of the moms that was in charge. I emailed her and we got details taken care of right then. I took the girls over to experience their first time in the group. It was good that there were some familiar faces. Although, I think the girls would have managed otherwise as well. So, the girls will now be in a Wednesday morning co-op that will run until the middle of November.
I really felt like Layne was behind this one. I knew he thought it was a good idea to get the kids involved in things like this. I know that's part of the reason I acted on it. I know that's why I was able to have a clear mind as I thought about it and took action. My brain has been a little foggy lately.

Funeral Wishes

So...the funeral. I'm hoping it was what Layne wanted. I will remember the chaos in attempting to get ready. I will also remember that all of it would have been much worse without all of the help that was given. There was help for the funeral, help for getting financial items in order, help with missing him and transitioning to a new normal (although, that obviously continues to be a work in progress). We also had some help around the house and lots of other things as well. Thank you to one and all.
I tried to honor what Layne and I had talked about when planning for the funeral and burial. I knew he would be watching.:} I knew he would notice the details - and whether they were 'right' or not. I also knew there were some details that could go any number of ways as far as he was concerned. It makes me smile to think of him being a bit of a micromanager about so many things and remembering that occasionally there were times when he wasn't really concerned about the details. There wasn't much middle ground with him.

One Week

It's odd to think it's been a week since Layne's passing. In some ways it feels so much longer...in some ways it seems like he was just here. There's been so much to do. I feel like we're able to slow down a bit now that the viewing/s and funeral are over. There are still a few things to do. I will be getting some things down each day - just not at the same pace.
I think I mostly need to take time to realize he's gone. I looked at a picture this morning where he was smiling and looking at the camera with his bright blue eyes. I knew that was exactly the way I wanted to remember him. I'll need to take some time and conscious effort so the image of him being so thin, sick, and in pain will be overshadowed by the man that was vibrant and healthy.
I feel like there have already been a couple of 'interventions' by him already. I'm feeling like he will be in the details. Because...let's face it...that's just who he is. I like the idea that he's still doing what he can to take care of us - he's just been 'relocated'.

What's Next?

Layne headed 'home' yesterday afternoon. I'm not sure what to write first. I could start with the few moments surrounding his passing. I could begin with events that have happened since that time. I could go back as far as yesterday morning - or perhaps somewhere within the past week.
Maybe the perfect place to kick things off would be to share how the kids and I are managing.  Others  might want to know what's happening next for our family. Some could be wondering if we need anything - or I could give an account of all those who have done so much for us already. We are grateful. Perhaps a starting point would be to say all of the great things I will miss about Layne - or some of the things I will not miss about being a caregiver. Another possibility would be funeral plans...what will be happening when and where. So many thoughts...so much to write.

All Part of the Equation

I went to the dentist in pain yesterday. Today I had a root canal. At least I went away the first time knowing I wasn't just making it up or being completely wimpy. (It's the first time I've called and gone in because of pain.)
My pain was very real. I was also working through some frustration and worry about the whole thing. I feel like I'm supposed to stay well. If I'm 'down for the count', how am going to be capable of taking care of things around here? There's also the very real knowledge of our finances. Dental work is not cheap. I didn't want to be adding to the total.
Another detail that didn't escape me was the fact that Layne was taking me to an appointment instead of the other way around. I'm in the habit of being in the driver's seat.
Life seems to be more than just one detail at a time. We're doing our best to manage all the variables.