Christmas Gifts

This is a tricky time of year. I usually feel a bit panicked about getting everything done. It's one of the times that Layne usually steps in because I'm just not managing on my own. I think I got used to him helping with the gifts for the kids. He would figure out what would be fun for them to receive and then also figure out the best way to go about obtaining it. He just did it. (It's one of his qualities I wish I had...wish it would have 'worn off' onto me.) This year - I'm working on it. I think I have an idea or two for all of the kids...except for the oldest. He's being rather cryptic. I'm not sure what he wants or what to get him. I have picked up one item and will be visiting Amazon soon for some other things. I miss Layne's help. I miss having someone step in when they could tell that I felt like I was in too deep. I miss having things just 'magically' being done. He was great at taking care of everything. I now have the job and I am stumbling. There's no back-up now - I got spoiled knowing that Layne was always my 'back-up plan' when it came to the items on my 'to do' list that just never quite got done. I can do this. (If I say it enough times it's bound to be true.) Wish me luck.

Muffins and Medicine

Layne got up early and made muffins this morning. When he makes muffins, they are not the boxed mix like I use...he makes them from scratch. We had apple cinnamon muffins and blueberry oatmeal muffins this morning. We also had grapefruit and pears too. (A family 'recipe' for him.) He realized this morning that he couldn't eat grapefruit with the drugs he's taking for the clinical trial. I felt bad for him...but, we obviously moved on quickly. I didn't realize he was going to get up and make something. We talked about just doing some pancakes or waffles...something quick and yummy. It occurred to my again that he's just not your average cancer patient. I don't know many guys that would get up early on Christmas just to make breakfast for his wife and kids in the first place...and then this is a guy who had a chemo treatment less than a week ago and doesn't sleep very well these days anyway. It's a good thing he was here to do it. The kids might have had to suffer through a breakfast of pancakes instead of made from scratch muffins on Christmas day.:}

True Meaning of Christmas

This morning we read The Living Christ before we started opening presents. We took turns reading the different paragraphs. Layne read the last one and was emotional before he finished. That usually gets me started too. He shared his testimony and how he's so grateful for a Savior because he knows it's the only way he'll be able to see us again. He then talked about feeling and recognizing the spirit because we could feel the Holy Ghost was there. Megan had suggested before we started that we pray after reading it (loved that idea/love my kids)...so, we did that and the kids were ready to start with the gifts. I asked for just a second or two to say something. They were kind and sat to listen. I then told them about how I was so grateful dad was here with us today and even if it's the last Christmas we get to have him around, I'm very glad I know we'll get to see him again. I shared with them that I know that can only happen because of what Christ has done for us and that I will be eternally grateful. As soon as I said I was done...the kids really were ready to go. Layne went over by the tree and started to hand out presents. The kids had done pretty well - we had already had breakfast and the girls were already dressed and ready for the day. The kids had checked out what was in their stockings...but, other than that they hadn't done a thing with the gifts that were surrounding the tree. It's been different for us to have just our family together this year at our house. This is the first year we've done that since we've lived here (6 years) so it's a new thing for us.

God Bless Us...

...every one.
This past holiday season we felt a bit like 'Tiny Tim' in 'A Christmas Carol' by Dickens. It was a time when we could have felt like we didn't have much to celebrate. And yet, we felt the true meaning of the season manifest in all of those who were so generous, giving and kind hearted that we couldn't help but feel blessed and loved. We couldn't help but feel the true meaning of the season and the joy that comes as the love of Christ is shared.
We had a fabulous '12 Days of Christmas' experience. I can't recall ever being the recipient of such a thing. But, this year was different in so many ways. I mentioned in an earlier post that it took me a minute to register the reason might have something to do with my husband having cancer. (Duh!) We were so grateful! It was fun to watch the kids get excited about it. Amazing items kept rolling in every day. Thank you to whoever you are!! We will always remember.
It was odd to think that this might be the last Christmas with Layne around. I'm not convinced that it is...it's just a possibility. We didn't do anything different in the way we celebrated. I think I reflected more on traditions and family togetherness that happens around that time of year. There were also a couple of things that just never got done. We were busy with other things and I wanted to focus on spending time together. It seems a bit selfish now that I just articulated that. I'm hoping everyone understands. And for some odd reason I don't feel compelled to apologize. That is rather selfish. I guess it's a priority thing. We didn't have time for everything - so, we just went with what was important in that moment. I'm glad we did. I guess it's a bit like learning to say 'no' when you really need to.
Thank you to everyone that helped to make our season so memorable. We truly will remember and continually be grateful.

12 Days of Christmas

We had a small Christmas tree delivered to our doorstep tonight. It was decked out with pears and a partridge on the top (along with other festive items). It's a mystery as to who left it there, but we are grateful. I first wondered why someone had thought of us. We are used to being on the other end of the seasonal fun. (Yes, I still have yet to purchase the 'sub for santa' gift I committed to...better get on that.) Then I remembered, 'Oh ya, my husband has cancer; I guess someone thought we could use some Christmas cheer.'. So, here we are with a tangible piece of evidence that someone was kind enough to think of us. Thank you!

Christmas Wish

Layne and I were working on gifts for the kids. He asked me what I wanted. I couldn't think of a thing. I finally just told him that the best gift would be a husband that's cancer free. Here's hoping for a Christmas miracle...