Feeling Lighter

Yesterday morning I realized I felt lighter. I felt I could think clearly and I was ready to be productive. I wondered why. That doesn't seem to be something a new widow (That's the first time I've typed that word in reference to myself...odd.) should feel - I don't really believe in 'shoulds' - maybe I just recognized that it might not be typical. I realized a couple of things. One is that a full night's sleep can make a big difference. It had been awhile. When someone needs extra care, it's usually 24/7 - not just when the caregiver happens to be up for the day anyway. So - sleep was one reason. Another reason was worry or maybe anxiety...whatever the proper term is when you're constantly concerned about someone. Yesterday morning was the first time I truly realized how much I had been concerned about Layne, how he was doing, the pain he was feeling, and what I could do to help. There was all of that concern and then I added on the concern about everything that needed to currently be done in addition to taking care of him and how I was ever going to manage everything without Layne in the future. The logistics overwhelmed me. I now have a different set of logistics. They still overwhelm me. But, life continues to move forward. I'll see if I can do better today.

Post Dated

I have slipped a couple of posts in after they happened. That means you would have to go through older posts to be able to see them. I think I'll start putting all the most recently written posts on the top. If they fit into the current timeline, great. If not, they'll be dated only be at the top for a few days. After that, I will put them in the correct chronological order. That way, you can read all of the posts with less effort.

Logistics

I feel bad about writing a not so happy post and then leaving it there for a few days. I will try to do better. I also plan to actually add some photos and links...you know, kind of like a real blog.
I also acknowledge that I haven't responded to comments that have been made. Thank you for the comments, support and questions. I will attempt to answer when possible. It's great to have comments. It somehow makes it feel like someone out there somewhere is reading.
I will attempt to write a post or two in the next couple of days and then will be gone for a reunion (which we are EXCITED about). After that, Layne has his first chemo and we're going to attempt to start school. We'll see how all of it goes.
I will be committing to writing more often than every week and a half. (Sorry.) I will even throw in some good/happy stuff.
Thanks for reading. And especially, thanks for the support. Love to all!