Hammock+Dr. Pepper=Layne

Jacob is out in the hammock drinking a Dr. Pepper. I wonder if Layne is watching. He would be proud. Layne was the one that thought of getting a hammock way back when we lived in La Jolla student housing. We would be able to see the ocean from the back porch where our hammock was hung. We took the same hammock with us to Utah. Again, it was hung (weather permitting) behind our townhouse. There were nights summer concerts happened at Red Butte Garden when we'd put the kids to bed, lay in the hammock, and listen to the concert. When we moved to our current home - we found a place for the hammock in the back yard. After years of use, we were in need of a new one. I'm sure Layne found a deal somewhere. The kids and I still like to go and use the hammock for reading, observing nature, napping, and thinking...or just being. I think of Layne often when I see the hammock. I remember the times we shared a hammock and enjoyed what the local life had to offer.

The other part of my first sentence that made me smile was that Layne's favorite soda was Dr. Pepper. I'm not sure most people knew that. We don't really do the soda thing very often. I love that the kids and I will choose the same occasionally. It's a bit of a family favorite. 

So...the hammock and Dr. Pepper...Layne would be proud...or at least notice with a smile. I hope he's doing that today.

Making a Home

I've been listening to some music today. The song 'Home' by Phillip Phillips is a favorite these days. Today I remembered to experience I had when I first heard the song. I thought of an experience I had in the temple earlier that day that told me Layne was preparing for our family to eventually join him. The word 'home' had been part of the message I took away from the experience. While I was thinking about that - the thought came to me 'you need to be making a home'. I guess I better raise the bar around here. I feel like I need to do better about making this a place where the kids and I can accomplish what we need to do, where others feel good about being here, and a place where the Spirit can dwell. So, while I feel like he's building a home - I'll be here making one.

Kids Adjusting

As I've been thinking about things I'm grateful for this past week - I have been grateful that we homeschool. One of the things I love is that we could be together after Layne's death and funeral. We were able to process in a way that felt so much more natural and connected. I'm not sure how I would have rushed them off to school with the knowledge that they would be expected to concentrate on other things. I also know that they would have been expected to accomplish a few things in between attending school and going to bed at night. I don't think it would have been healthy to place the burden on them to just ignore their father's death and all of the thoughts and feelings that go along with it.
They seem to be managing relatively well. I don't think that would have happened in a classroom.

Nauvoo or Bust

My family is having a reunion in Nauvoo this year. Layne isn't sure he's going to go. He's not sure he's up to doing things that take energy and mean lots of crowds. He also thinks he wants to go to be helpful and make sure things run smoothly for our family. He's not sure about leaving me in charge. I'm sure he thinks I'm capable. He just worries. He can't be running the show if he's not there.:}
I don't want him to feel like he's obligated to go. I know he's in pain and is constantly exhausted. If he were to go, he'd have to keep things low key. Sometimes he says he would be in pain wether he's at home or elsewhere, so he might as well go. This time he's saying he's not sure he wants to be in so much pain so far away from home. We'll see what happens in the next few days.

Back Home

We came back home last night. We're grateful that my folks were able to come be with the kids. They did lots of fun things together.
Layne has slept quite a bit today. That's out of the ordinary for a guy who says he can't sleep during the day. His hemoglobin was low again on Friday. They offered a transfusion, but he would rather do that at Huntsman. I think I'll be putting it on tomorrow's schedule.

Chemo at Huntsman

Chemo at huntsman this friday! I'm not sure words can express how grateful I am that we don't have to deal with flying this week-end and all the details that need to be worked out with kids at home while we're gone. Layne can even just come home once we're done. We can also have the rest of the week-end just be a regular week-end with all of us here.