More To Come

I have quite a few posts that I haven't finished/edited/published yet. It's close to half of the posts that I've started. There are hundreds. I guess I better get busy doing more writing and publishing. It seems like there are so many things to say and not enough time to say them all. I'm going to make more of an attempt to get the current and new stuff written. I'm also toying with the idea of starting a blog that's more about being a widow. It feels like a different perspective. Maybe it's time.

Feeling Lighter

Yesterday morning I realized I felt lighter. I felt I could think clearly and I was ready to be productive. I wondered why. That doesn't seem to be something a new widow (That's the first time I've typed that word in reference to myself...odd.) should feel - I don't really believe in 'shoulds' - maybe I just recognized that it might not be typical. I realized a couple of things. One is that a full night's sleep can make a big difference. It had been awhile. When someone needs extra care, it's usually 24/7 - not just when the caregiver happens to be up for the day anyway. So - sleep was one reason. Another reason was worry or maybe anxiety...whatever the proper term is when you're constantly concerned about someone. Yesterday morning was the first time I truly realized how much I had been concerned about Layne, how he was doing, the pain he was feeling, and what I could do to help. There was all of that concern and then I added on the concern about everything that needed to currently be done in addition to taking care of him and how I was ever going to manage everything without Layne in the future. The logistics overwhelmed me. I now have a different set of logistics. They still overwhelm me. But, life continues to move forward. I'll see if I can do better today.