His Blog
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Still Running
There are times I wonder why it was him and not me. Everyone knows he's the one that was the most productive. It's what I struggle with the most. If it were him - he'd still be working, put all the kids in charter schools/public schools, and have a system for all the necessary improvements for the house and yard. He'd have high expectations for the kids and for himself. He'd still be running.
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This post made me feel thoughtful about all the amazing things you bring to the table, and all the ways that I think Layne is missing you. About the way that you see the beauty around you, and your laugh, and all the intelligent and unique perspectives you have on things that I so appreciate, and I'm sure he did even more. But I'm pretty sure you didn't post this so it could be about you. So I'll just leave it at that.
ReplyDeleteI second everything Becca has said. I know this isn't meant to be about you, and that you are going through a necessary part of your process. But I hope you can see, or I hope you see eventually, the impact that you have on your family, just by being you. The rest of us see it, and it can't be replaced. Layne's influence can't either. But you two created your family to be the great family it is, and that came from BOTH of you. Grief sucks, but is so necessary to healing. Love you.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Becca and Nicole. We all love you so very much and see your strengths. Praying for you and the kids and hopeful that you'll be blessed with a clear mind and heart to know your next best step. One day at a time.
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ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I'm just now seeing this. I was behind on reading your blog posts. I think part of what you're feeling might be what is called "survivor's guilt"--like, why did he die and you didn't? And, as Nicole mentioned, that's part of the grieving process. But I totally agree with what everyone else has mentioned...you bring SO much to your family and it was you and Layne who TOGETHER created one of the most amazingly unified forever families I've ever seen. Your patience and willingness to advocate for your kids are unmatched. Layne is cheering for all of you from the other side, no doubt, and still has high expectations for all of you--which I am confident you will be able to achieve. Hugs, prayers, and love as you move forward.
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