A Little Confused

The flight seemed longer than it really was...or maybe it seemed much too short. I texted that I had landed before I even got off the plane. He called and we talked about options. I wasn't feeling so great and wasn't thrilled about turning around so I could do what I just did all over again. I talked with one of the gals with the airline. She didn't really care that my husband was no longer getting chemo that day and I didn't need to be in Texas. The logistics she told me about seemed like too much to work out for the difference it would make in our travel plans. I talked with Layne again and then headed out to wait for him to pick me up.
As we had a chance to talk - we discussed his appointment and figured out what we were going to do next that day. He was a little confused about what had happened at his appointment. When he told me about it, I found myself a bit confused also. The results of the scan were that the tumors they were monitoring were smaller. Wait. Isn't that good news? Isn't that what we were hoping would happen? There were other (less significant) tumors that had grown bigger. How do some get bigger and others get smaller when they're all being treated the same? Why does that matter if they are not the items you're monitoring? He had also shared a couple of things about how he's been doing/feeling lately. That information impacted the decision. The gal in charge of the clinical trial stated 'declining health' as a factor in stopping the treatment. That one I was a little more clear on because it's been obvious to me the last little while. He's had more fatigue, more pain, and less drive to do things. She told him that if it were just about the minimal growth they would have probably continued. This one was a little confusing to me too. Why did this have to be the time he told her how he really felt? (I know, you're supposed to do that. I don't fault him. I'm just curious as to how it fits into the scenario.) This is the guy that can be doubled over one day and yet tell the doctor a couple of days later that he's had some 'discomfort'. And, when asked about the pain level he responds that it's at a two or a three. What? Like I said...a little confused. But, whatever.