His Blog
Sunday, June 5, 2016
No Idea
I had to listen to this one again tonight. Life is hard. I'm really feeling that tonight. There are so many times I have to admit that I have no idea what I'm doing. I occasionally wonder why Layne had to leave - or why I'm the one that's still here. I'm still trying to figure it all out. I'm trying to find my purpose and what I'm supposed to do next...along with trying to just do the day to day. I'm not even doing that very well. Being a single parent is hard. Trying to figure out the future for five people is hard. I truthfully have no idea what I'm doing. I know that someone does...I just haven't been clued into the agenda yet. It feels like there should be some sort of itinerary and there's not. So, I do things like listen to songs that remind me that I have a purpose after the kids have all gone to bed...except for one that is determined to stay up later than me tonight. (It was so much easier to have 'my' time when I decided the bed time. Teenagers.) Here's to hoping I get clued in soon.
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I love this song too. It was great to watch this video again. It is such a blessing to know that Someone knows...even when we haven't figured it out yet. I am sure I can't even begin to imagine the weight on your shoulders of being responsible for the futures of 5 people. I am praying for you and I love you!
ReplyDeleteAnd PS What I CAN totally relate to is teenagers being up after me. I too miss that quiet time at the end of the day when everyone's tucked in for the night. That certainly hasn't happened for years around here. xoxo Hugs to you!
I can't imagine having to decide everything on my own. We are having a tough time doing it together right now...life is just tough right now. So many things going on in the world that are contrary to what we believe and want to teach our children and it's tough to decide how to help this all work out. I do know that you are being more successful than you think. That fun picture of the kids at improv last night says a lot! Sometimes, all we can do is go one day at a time and one hour at a time in that day. Sometimes, we don't/can't know the answers for the future. Hang in there and know that even though it feels like it a lot of the time, you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine having to decide everything on my own. We are having a tough time doing it together right now...life is just tough right now. So many things going on in the world that are contrary to what we believe and want to teach our children and it's tough to decide how to help this all work out. I do know that you are being more successful than you think. That fun picture of the kids at improv last night says a lot! Sometimes, all we can do is go one day at a time and one hour at a time in that day. Sometimes, we don't/can't know the answers for the future. Hang in there and know that even though it feels like it a lot of the time, you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteI read this post yesterday and have thought about it a few times since. I guess I just want to say that I feel for you, and that I'm so sorry Layne isn't with you right now to help you through this experience of life. As I read and thought about your comments I thought of my own husband, marriage, and kids, and how much I depend on my husband to help me through all the messiness of life. It's a beautiful thing in a marriage when you and your spouse compliment each other, like you and Layne. Just know that I think about you with a tender heart regularly.
ReplyDeleteLife IS so hard at times...lots of times, in fact. I am praying for you all the time, and cheering for you from Virginia. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI think you're doing a great job. You're intuitive and have a special gift of listening, especially to your kids and the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Your kids can trust you to let them become themselves and Layne trusts that you'll do what's best for them. I would trust you, that might not be saying much, but it's true.
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