Empty

I do fine most days and other days things creep up on me. Tonight I was hugging Layne and started to cry. The thought, 'I don't want you to die.', came into my head. I don't want him to leave. When I try to imagine my life without him, I just can't do it. I attempt to do that because I'm hoping that it will get me more prepared for the reality that's ahead. I don't want to go without the hugs (and all that other 'mushy' stuff). I have no desire to independently raise our children on my own. I'm so used to saying 'we' instead of 'I'. It will be a tough transition all around. I think I will have a tough time trying to get to sleep in an empty room with an empty bed. I will need to work hard not to have an empty heart.