Grief

I read a book earlier this week by Anita Stansfield. (I won't share the title - that way the plot isn't ruined for you if it's one you are planning on reading.) Anyway. In the book, there's a man (husband/father) that has cancer. One of the points that is discussed among family members is that when you know someone has a terminal illness much of the grief (of being separated) from that person is felt and dealt with before they die. It gives you more time to work through the grief and plan for the person to be gone. In a way, you're more prepared. Another point brought up in the book was the idea that death was not feared, but it's the separation from loved ones that we're hesitant to deal with in our lives. Yes, I had a box of tissues close by while reading a novel about a husband and father dying of cancer.
I already knew these things, but hadn't really put a name to them. I'm actually glad that we get to know before he leaves that Layne is going to be gone. It would be so hard to work through everything all at once. The kids and I would have to get used to the idea of him being gone and work through the logistics all at the same time. This way, at least we can be as prepared as possible and be able to move on quicker. The hard part is still working through it. I feel like that's much of what we're doing now. Like today, I feel grief. It comes and goes. For me, it's more obvious when we've just found out another bend in the road we're on. I keep hoping that the road will just stop having so many bends in it. That it will be obvious as to what we need to do, that we'll be able to do it and at the end of all that we'll be able to move on with our lives together. Instead, we seem to have the winding road that doesn't end. In either case, I think Heavenly Father is asking for our faith. And really...it's the only thing that will help right now. I cannot imagine experiencing all of this without knowing about a greater plan. I would be an even bigger mess if I thought we'd never see Layne again.
Layne and I have talked about this and he says he's not afraid to die. He does feel anxious about leaving because he feels a great responsibility in taking care of our family. He also doesn't like the idea of being separated for awhile. But, it just might be how life goes.
We're learning more and more that life is fragile and we never really know the timing God has for our lives.