Future Plans

We dropped the boys off tonight for an event at the library. The girls had come with us because Layne was at a meeting. When we started back home, one of the girls mentioned that she missed the boys already. We started talking about spending time with family...and, the fact that all of them will eventually move out when they are adults. They weren't sure about the idea. I told them that their Dad and I would miss them when they were gone. I was reminded that by that time Layne will be gone and it would just be me that missed having the kids around that I get to spend time with each day. It sounded a bit lonely. I didn't mention anything to them about it. They might have asked why Dad would be gone and I'd have to explain about cancer and dying again. Instead, the conversation was turned to the future and the dreams they have for it. It'll be interesting to see what they choose.

Not Alone

I have been concerned about taking care of our family when Layne is gone. This morning I was asking for help in my prayers about this very topic. I have been flustered with looking into options for income and nothing seeming to be right. I have also been concerned about homeschool and if we'd be able to pull that off with just one parent. I have thought about all that needs to be done to maintain a home, yard, and family. I have also given quite a bit of thought about helping the kids with their testimonies on my own. There are so many concerns. I pleaded for help with being prepared to be alone. It seemed that before I was even finished with the sentence, a gentle voice stated, "You will not be alone.". I wept for a bit and then eventually pulled myself together. I think there are times I will probably feel lonely and overwhelmed...but, I also know that I will never be completely alone. I'm still a bit nervous about managing everything. But, it's nice to know that it won't just be me.

Grateful for...

This morning I was reminded of being grateful for new flannel sheets as I climbed into bed last night, because I was grateful for them again this morning. It's one of the indications of fall and chilly weather for me to start using the flannel sheets again. Layne actually bought a new set just a week or so ago.
I was attempting to wake up (I always consider this my first accomplishment for the day...after years of practice, I'm still not very good at it.) and thought of the fact that I was grateful for one more day to wake up next to Layne. I'm so thankful that he's still around and we continue to have time together. It reminds me that when we first found out about his cancer...there was a good chance he was going to be gone by now. I'm glad that's not the case.
I know when our experience here on earth is over, it's not the end of who we are or our relationships. I also know that at this point my preference is to have my husband and father of our kids here with us. All of that seems like he would be so far away...for such a long time. When that time does come, I hope it still feels like he's near and that the time will seem to go by at a decent pace...not slowly, as if in a bad dream that won't end.
Time to be done...I'm crying and the kids need breakfast.

Scheduling

Layne went into another Wellness Appointment this morning. He goes in for more tests on Friday and to see the oncologist. Throughout the week he will also fit in a couple of days where he'll head into work for a few hours each time. He put in some hours last week and it ended up being longer than originally planned. I'm a bit worried about that part. The agreed upon eight hours will end up being ten or fifteen. Like I said before...we'll see how it goes.
It seems like it's just more to fit into the schedule. We also talked this morning about what we're going to do with the kids to help them be active. So, we're going to fit in some of those things around when Layne will be gone for work. We've gotten used to having him here. So, now it feels a bit like we're scheduling around his work schedule.

Current Goals

The past week has brought a couple of new goals to light. Layne has been keeping in touch with fellow employees at work. He's thinking about returning for a few hours a week. We'll see how it goes.
He's also working with the guy he does his 'wellness appointments' with to start running again. I'm sure they're not talking a marathon any time soon...but, Layne would like to attempt to actually get some running in again - eventually.
It seems odd to be working on goals that seem to work toward a future. We have been attempting to make sure we're prepared for Layne to be gone - but, to have plans that include him being around for a least a little bit is a slight shift for us. It's not a complaint. It's just realizing...again...that there's always a reason we're adjusting to a new normal.

Chilly

Layne went golfing this morning. He has been cold ever since. It's only mid-October. I'm not ready for him to be cold yet. This is the guy that used to think about whether to wear pants or shorts to work on a day like today. It's a little chilly - but, not cold. A beautiful autumn day actually.
About the golf - they went to a place not too far away. I was glad a friend from work contacted him about it. I'm glad he 'works' with great people. He has some true friends from there who are just good people.

Most Recent Results

The results from yesterday were about the same as they were last time we went. We were glad there was no growth. Well, there was a small amount of change, but there has to be a 20% change in order to count. So, we're still hoping that what is working will continue to do so.