On Monday, I was in Provo and went to the Creamery (BYU Campus) to get some ice cream. We typically go when we're down there and we're able to fit it in the schedule. Layne made sure it was a tradition of sorts for us. I got a single scoop with two flavors - mint brownie and peanut butter trails. (I just had to mention that part so I could remember the flavors...and, because it feels like such an extravagance having two flavors instead of one when it's a 'single' scoop.)
I sat down with my treat - didn't want to drive while I was attempting to eat. I realized I was the only person in there that was sitting by myself. There were a couple of families, a group of friends, and an older couple that I noticed. I felt very much alone. I observed the others that were there and wondered what their observations of me might be. Did they see a grey haired, overweight, single woman eating ice cream all by herself? I'm guessing most of them weren't even aware of my presence. Of course, that was part of the problem. No one noticed I was there.
This was my first experience going there by myself. I had always had some family or friends with me during previous visits. I think that's part of what made my experience such a lonely one. I was missing the company I typically had surrounding me. I was very much missing the kids - and missing Layne even more.
That would be really hard. I don't think I've ever tried eating anything in a restaurant alone. Each time you are brave enough to do something like that, I believe you will become stronger. And no matter what people might judge from a quick glance, you know who you are: a loving and supportive wife and mother, a compassionate caregiver, a disciple of Jesus Christ with a vibrant testimony, a loyal and devoted daughter and sister, a true friend, a strong and courageous survivor. And the people who love you know all that too. No one can ever see who we really are at first glance. You are amazing and I am so inspired by you, every day. PS Back in the days when I still ate dairy, I would have picked those exact two flavors! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI second everything Carolynn just said! And I'll go a step further and say I STILL eat dairy and will gladly go get a scoop with you the next time I'm in town!
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