Thoughts from earlier...
We had the news that Layne would be spending the rest of his life at home on hospice. We both took on different roles. They weren't rehearsed - just shouldered as needed.
After that, I watched as more weight was lost...more energy was taken away...the desire to live decreased...the ability to do slowly vanished...the keen mind gradually deteriorated...the appetite all but depleted...reality set in as the spirit of hope was defeated...and that was all him.
I got to play the role of the strong one...the one that gained weight...the one that needed to display endless energy...the one that needed to keep life together for the family...the one that needed to take on all the responsibilities of family and home...the one that needed to learn much while taking care of another full time...the one that eventually had to make sure she ate even when a meal was missed...the one that displayed optimism even when not feeling it...and so much more.
How much strength this trial gave you--even though you would never have chosen it! You might not see it, but I do. And now that you have shouldered an entirely new role, I'm sure you will grow even stronger. But that doesn't mean you have to feel or even be strong all the time. I think it's really ok to curl up in a ball from time to time and just let it be. So much love to and so many prayers for you!!!
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