I know none of this has anything to do with what I want...but, that is what I want for him. Well, I want that mostly for him. I want it partly for me. I don't like watching him feel frustrated with all of the things he's not able to do. I don't want to witness someone I love being in pain anymore. I don't like watching him feel 'stuck' because his body and mind aren't cooperating. What I really want is what's best for him.
His Blog
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Letting Go
I talked with Layne last night about letting go. He needs to feel that it's okay to die. We've had several conversations on the topic. He doesn't want to just give up. He seems to think that if he lets himself die he's not fighting to the end. He has connected that with having faith. In order to show faith - he needs to keep going. I don't agree completely. Faith is important. Yes. I agree with that part. I don't think the only way for him to show faith is to stick around indefinitely. I don't want him to die. What I do want is for him to feel good about the path he has traveled, accept his reality, and feel at peace with completing his mortal experience.
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I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I hope that the remaining time is meaningful and peaceful. Please let me know what I can do to help.
ReplyDeleteTeresa thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. They are real and so raw. You are on my mind constantly. I blurt out my thoughts randomly to Randy about you guys often these days. I don't have a lot of experience with death, but it seems to me that death is like life. It's real, it's not perfect. Nothing like the movies. I don't know if that makes any sense. You are amazing and so is Layne. And in my opinion, you're handling things perfectly. Thank you for your examples.
ReplyDeleteI echo what Nancy said. We think about you guys all the time and send our love and prayers for strength and comfort. thank you for sharing your thoughts and fears and hopes.
ReplyDeleteI tried to read this post out loud to my family, but could not get through it. I am crying my eyes out reading it again. I agree about raw and real. We all want what's best for all of you, and sadly, that can't happen. We pray for burdens to be lightened and that you will somehow feel the tender mercies and silver linings--at least at some point. Praying now that Layne can let go in full confidence that he will be met with open arms and abundant love. xoxo
ReplyDeleteSeriously, these posts are just incredible! I don't even really know what to say, but thank you for being so honest and sharing this very personal, and very complicated time with us.
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