Headstone Part Three

So, here's a picture of the paper version of the headstone. I'm going to take a line from a movie and say, "Le me 'splain.".

I got to the location of our meeting without knowing exactly what to put on the headstone. I felt like I should have been more prepared and yet I wasn't sure how to do that. I had thought about some things that might work. But, didn't have anything that I felt sure about at the time. I had discussed it with Layne. I had a general idea of what he didn't want...you know, the usual.:} He pretty much left it to me and what I wanted to do. I think he just didn't really want to decide. I had asked the kids about it too. I told them a couple of ideas. They said they were good with the idea of having their names on it. (I had to promise Jonny that we would use the nick name he's used to instead of his 'full name'.) The names of the kids might have been something I would have put on the back - but, we have a flat stone as per the cemetery requirements.
I got there and looked at some of the samples. I chose the type of stone. Then I started looking through the books they have with so many different examples. My 'too many options' brain started to get a little frazzled. I had brought in a piece of paper that I had written a couple of things on - our names, dates, the kids names...
As I was looking through the books I noticed the music staff and knew it had to be a part of what was done. The gal that was helping me had already asked some things about what we like in order to get some ideas going and decisions made - as soon as possible - because I'm good at making hasty decisions. (Whatever.) We talked a little bit about running and writing...about being a mom. All of those are good things - just didn't feel right. So, I was excited when something clearly was the right thing to put on it. I just realized that everything on here has more than one meaning. Maybe the items mentioned earlier had too much to do with us individually. I realized that I wanted something to represent us. I wanted things that meant something. I knew Layne wanted each item to have a purpose. You don't waste space when it's something so permanent that has the possibility for so much meaning.
So back to the musical staff. Music is something that is important to both of us individually and is very much a part of our relationship. (I wanted to make sure I used present tense there because all I have to do is hear a song and he's present.) We spent time enjoying and making music while he was here. I don't see a reason to stop doing that.
One of the last things I decided was the temple. I wasn't sure I wanted it on there. Would there be room? Would it be too 'cheesy'? Layne didn't like cheesy and I'm not sure I'm a fan either. The temple is important to us. I don't mean to slight the meaning of the temple and the things that happen there. In fact, it's because of the covenants we've made that I have had an easier time of all this than I would have otherwise had if he were to just be gone - with no more connections. The temple is important. I just didn't want to do it because it's a common thing to do. I decided to go with the Oakland Temple because that's where we were married and sealed together. I think part of the reason I did that was for the reminder of eternal families. I don't know if it's something I would have put on there if both of us had grown old together. I think there would have been something about the gospel - because that is a very big part of our lives. I just don't know if it would have been a temple. But, because Layne died with enough time for me to feel a need to remember that we are still a family, I decided to have it be a part of what was important. The gal asked if I wanted to put on a phrase surrounding the temple - many people put on 'families are forever' or something similar. I didn't feel the need to go along with the trend. I knew the temple represented that message. I also knew Layne would have wanted to stay away from a trend at all costs.:}
Layne and I had talked a couple of times about the choice between a beach house and a cabin in the mountains. I was curious. It's supposed to say something about who you are - because I place importance on things like that - not really...just fun to think about sometimes. I think I brought it up because I can never quite decide. I love the idea of both. I'm not sure what that's supposed to say about me. Maybe it says I just want to have it all. Maybe it states that I have a hard time making decisions. Maybe I was bringing it up so we could secretly figure out a way to have both. There was no question with Layne. He didn't even need to vocalize that he would choose the beach house. I just already knew. I would have loved for us to get back to San Diego or the Bay Area just one more time. I thought of that and realized that it would be great to do something that combined the ocean and the mountains. One of the reasons I liked the idea is because it represents the places we have lived together. I also like that it's a statement about our relationship. We are different in so many ways and yet still share a togetherness. Maybe it's the yin/yang idea...two making one whole. Maybe it's opposites attract. I thought it was a good way to show different but the same. We are equals. We are one. Ok. Moving on. I felt great about using the ocean and mountain combination. They started out with a palm tree with the ocean and pine tree immediately in front of mountains (that looked more like hills). It didn't feel quite right. The palm tree reminded me too much of Hawaii. I love it there and I will be forever grateful for the opportunity we had to go together. (Thanks again family.) It's just that when I think of us at the beach together (which mostly includes several locations on both coasts of the USA and Mexico) - I don't think of palm trees. There are palm trees in some of those places. I just remember times together on the beach including the sand, waves, birds, cliffs, the sun, and each other. I requested something without the palm tree. They came up with what is now there. The pine tree was next. I asked if they had anything that looked more like large mountains instead of hills. I got a no on that one. (I'm sure I sounded a little more diplomatic about it at the time.) I then had the idea of aspens pop into my head. I asked about those and they came up with putting the aspens in front of the mountains and moving the mountains higher up on the surface - funny how that made them look more like mountains. It made me happy...so I went with it. It made me think of wishing we had spent more time in the mountains together - it also made me remember the wish to get Layne to The Ranch one more time. It felt important so I kept it that way. Those are just some of the rambling...tumbling thoughts that I had about the ocean and mountains. It felt like a good way to show balance. I especially think that as I see them on opposite sides and think about how the eye is brought from one corner to the other as well.
I decided to make it more unique by only doing the 'scroll' for our last name. The others I saw did the individual names and dates that way as well. I noticed later that everything else fits so much better the way it's done now.
The headstone will be placed facing east. It will be seen from the 'street' in the cemetery. Layne is buried on the south side. I will be on the north. I was pleased that's the way it worked out. It reminds me of the 'sides' we took as slept each night. I'm glad I'll be in the right spot.:} It's odd how many seemingly random things come to mind.
Well...that ended up being longer than I'd originally thought. I wanted to make sure I got the background in there. There's a meaning and reason behind all of it. I feel really good about it. I'm looking forward to seeing it when it's placed.