Ward Activity

We're heading out to a church event. It's what people do when they're still hooked up to a bag of chemo, right? Apparently, life as usual around here.

One Fourth

Layne has done 3 of his 12 chemo treatments. It feels like we have the routine down a little bit. Today went much quicker than the first two. That was a good thing.
When it was done, we had a nurse come to help with getting him hooked up with the drug that he takes home. We were a bit confused, considering that we didn't realize anyone was coming. We were ready to go. We were able to get things worked out so that they will be getting him set up before we go and then coming on Sunday afternoon to 'flush' the line and de-access the port. I'm glad. We felt like we were left hanging on that one. It's not like it would be that big of a deal once I knew what I was doing, but we didn't like the feeling of no support at all.
Layne started today with an exercise program at the Wellness Center. So, I dropped him off and went for my own walk up the canyon by Red Butte. I ended up taking a few pictures. Surprise. It was great to have a few moments in the morning to reflect and be outside.
The kids did great today. They took care of themselves through lunch and then went to a friend's house. I'm so grateful for those that have taken the kids in while we've been gone. I'm hoping that they'll get a chance to have a break in their day each time. It just seems like being home by themselves all day...every time would not be a good thing. Last time they went to a friend's house in the morning and were at home in the afternoon by themselves. By the time early evening rolled around, my parents were able to  be with them for a bit since we were much later than we thought we'd be. The very first time, they were at my parents' house and spending time with cousins. I think that was the favorite so far.
Layne did the 'cold' thing again today. I think it might be getting more intense. I noticed this morning that it seems he's getting a small rash on his wrists. Odd. But, chemo is full of fun surprises. His fingers started tingling just about the time the drug was introduced this time. So, we'll see if that intensifies also. He was weak and a bit tired afterward. The doctor told him he really is doing as well as could be expected. We're thankful the side effects haven't been more dramatic than they what has been presented thus far. Although, the steroid that makes one more emotional...not sure I like that one. Layne's somewhat anxious in the first place...multiply that and we're doing lots of deep breathing.:}
We stopped by Layne's work after the treatment. It's only a couple minutes drive from Huntsman. He had something he needed to send in. The paperwork was done, just needed to add something and sign...or something like that. As we were leaving, I told him it might not have been a good idea to stop by - once you head in, they'll expect him to follow up with the same next time. We got out to the van, he moved his fingers a bit and said there was no way he could do an actual work day (or even an afternoon) after a treatment. His hands were shaky and stiff. He also looked exhausted after being there for only about 10 minutes.

16K

We received a bill for Layne's first chemo session. It's over $16 thousand dollars. Wow. There's the part where the insurance company tells you how much they negotiated, then how much they paid and then the amount you owe. We're glad we have insurance. Our part is the co-pay for the doctor's visit. (I think that's a one time thing. So, it's possible that the other bills will not even have that. But, that also sounds a bit delusional to assume that...although, I really think someone told us that somewhere along the way.) I'm glad we're not 'breaking the bank' on this one. It's not exactly free to go to the appointments and pay for other prescriptions, but at least we're not thinking about rather we're going to eat next week. We're glad Layne has a job, we have decent insurance, and that we're not stressed about how we're going to pay for things.

Little Things

Nice to see Layne's running clothes in the laundry today. It was mostly a walk...but, still. He ran part of the way. I think he's glad he went. He was told that moving around a bit would help him feel better and give him more energy. He's working with the Wellness Center on a fitness program they've put together for him.

First Chemo Treatment

July 27, 2012
First chemo treatment. The line has been put through the port that is on the right side of his chest. The apparatus that's holding all of the drugs is right next to the chair.
Huntsman is located on Shoreline Ridge and gives you a pretty good view. It was nice to be able to enjoy the view since we were there for awhile.

This picture was taken not long after he was first hooked up. The tingling in the fingers, the metalic taste in his mouth and the chills hadn't set in yet. It was nice of him to smile for the camera.:} (I take so many pictures that he typically just rolls his eyes at me and continues with what he's doing.)

Post Dated

I have slipped a couple of posts in after they happened. That means you would have to go through older posts to be able to see them. I think I'll start putting all the most recently written posts on the top. If they fit into the current timeline, great. If not, they'll be dated only be at the top for a few days. After that, I will put them in the correct chronological order. That way, you can read all of the posts with less effort.

Courage

"Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'".

I read this as a quote from President Monson the other day. His picture was with it. I wonder if the person that put it together knew that it's actually President Monson quoting Mary Anne Radmacher in a talk he gave. Whatever the case, I love it and wanted to give the proper recognition.
I think I might have gotten a little lump in my throat. There are many days where we just say...we'll try again tomorrow. I didn't realize that might have had anything to do with courage. I think courage is the gift of rising above the challenge...even when it's hard...no matter how much you want to give up...no matter how easy it would be to give in. It takes courage to move forward in a positive way. The harder the challenge, the more courage it takes. It's faith in action. It's perseverance at its best.

Monday Already?

Sorry to have gone through the week-end without posting anything.
Layne had his second treatment this past Friday. He also met with people at the wellness center (to put together a fitness plan) and the nutritionist. (I'm impressed with the services they offer...sort like and 'all inclusive' resort.) It feels like a day of several appointments one after the other...with the last one being around four hours. He was in a bed this time instead of a chair. He had a great view last time too. I think he ended up in the bed because he was a couple of hours late for his chemo. The doctor was a behind schedule...which seems to be the case whenever we're there.
Some of the after effects from last time are apparent again. His fingertips and toes continue to be sensitive to cold. He also feels weak.  He describes it as feeling like he has the flu...just without the aching feeling. He's just not up for doing as much. (Although, he put in a full Sunday yesterday...complete with an early meeting, the three hour block, another meeting, home teaching and then our home teachers coming to visit us. I think there was a nap somewhere in there too.)
When Layne finishes the round of treatments at the hospital, he has another that he gets to take home with him that drips in slower than the others do. He gets to be connected to it for a couple of days and wears a nifty bag over his shoulder to put it in. (A patient actually made a bunch of them for other patients...how cool is that?) While we're at the hospital, the line has to be flushed, a drug is pushed in and then he's hooked up to the one that goes home. Once he's home (and done), the line gets flushed again, we put medicine through that guards against blood clots, and then take out the needle (that's been in his port the whole time). Guess who gets to do all of that? Yep...Moi. When they first told me that I would be the one doing it...it was understood that I would watch someone else do it a few times and then take over once I was comfortable doing so. Last time we had a nurse show us what she was doing at the hospital and then when we were home, another nurse showed us how to do the last part. It didn't occur to me that after seeing it once, I would be expected to do it. It's not a big deal for them because they do it often enough that they're used to it. I think it makes a difference when it's someone you know, you've only seen it done once and you've never dealt with syringes and people all at the same time. I didn't do the final drug this time. But, I think I might 'get' to do it next time around. There's a story behind who's supposed to do what and what insurance covers and doesn't...I've already written plenty on the topic for one day, so we'll save it for another day (maybe).

Chill Factor

Last night Layne asked what we were going to do in the winter. It took me a second to figure out what he was talking about...the fact that he was pulling the sheet over himself while I was attempting to keep the sheet off of me because of the heat was a big clue. He's a bit concerned that if he's a little chilly now...how cold will he be during the winter when the weather is actually chilly instead of in the triple digits. I'm not sure what we're going to do.
I thought about the day before when he wore jeans to work and commented about it being cold at the office. It's August. I'm used to seeing him wear shorts and a short sleeve shirt to work during the summer. (Oh, to have the dress code of an engineer.) It was odd to see him walk toward his truck with long sleeves, long pants and actual shoes (instead of sandals) on. It was then that I had remembered that on Monday I noticed him wearing pants and had wondered if he had any shorts that were clean. I haven't washed any of his lately. Hmm...
I don't know what we're going to do this winter. I guess like everything else, we'll have to wait and see.
In the meantime, we get to go for another treatment tomorrow. We're hoping this one doesn't take as long as the first one did.

Morning Thoughts

I cried in the shower this morning. I randomly remembered a free concert we went to this summer. (I'll have to share the name of the group as soon as I can think of it...three men that have been performing together for decades. I'd love to give them proper credit.) They sing a song called, "I'll build you a rainbow". Anyone that has heard it, knows that it came out years ago. It's about the relationship a boy has with his mom that has a terminal illness. She takes the opportunity to spend meaningful time with him. It's about the possibility of family relationships being forever, the bond that a mother can have with her child and about remembering those who have passed away. Layne mocked me for being a little teary eyed at the time. I had to explain that there's just something about a mother and her kids...not to mention the new slant on the song when you know there's a strong possibility your spouse is going to die because he has a terminal illness. There's also just something about children growing up without one of their parents around because of death.
So, that's the random background. I had the memory of hearing that song and then had a few thoughts come to mind. The timing is such that it's possible Layne will be around (in two years) to baptize Rachel. It's against the odds that he'll be around (6 and 7 years from now) to see the boys go on their missions. And, the odds of seeing any of the kids get married or hold a grandchild...well...it would be a true miracle. It's hard to think about and I'm doing my best to have a positive attitude about our lives with cancer, but I think it would be unhealthy to just ignore the reality of it all. I don't want to live in denial. I don't think it would be good for anyone. So, sometimes I just let myself be sad about it.

School!

We started our homeschool yesterday. It seems odd to think we're launching into another year. Life as usual. Layne is at work and I'm at home with the kids. It feels good.
Now I just need to actually be productive...yep, life as usual.:}

A Little Tired

Layne went back to work yesterday. My only concern was rather he would be tired or not. I asked him about it when he got home. His response was, "I was a little tired after my walk during lunch.". Really? It's the first day back to work and he feels the need to sneak in some exercise during lunch. He mentioned he had a few minutes of head nodding after that. Apparently, the rest of the day went just fine.
He also had a co-worker (and their family) give our family a fun gift of the makings for ice cream sundaes. (Thanks Sorensons!) It worked out perfect for our 'treat' last night. Jacob was in charge of that for our Family Home Evening and anyone who knows...knows that he will choose ice cream just about every time. It made it even more meaningful knowing that it came from a family that worked with Layne and the boys on LegoLeague last year. So fun to have it be from a family we've all met and think are great. (We're all very grateful Layne works with some fabulous people. I truly think some will be life long friends...including those who go with him on hikes, walks and for disc golf not long after he's had chemo.)

So much to say...so little time.

Wow! It's August already. We've made it through the first few days of chemo. Layne's still working with a loss of appetite. It still humors me that he was given a steroid that would have side effects of 'feeling emotional'. Hmm...
The kids and I went to Discovery Gateway (Children't Museum) today. The Wizzgiggle Puppeteers were putting on a show. We've seen them several times at the library and have always enjoyed it, so decided it would be fun to see them again. We hadn't seen them perform yet this summer. We have a membership to the museum so we spent some time there afterwards also.
We came home, had dinner and the boys went to Scouts. It was all so 'life as usual'.
I had a chance to play the piano tonight too. I have worried about playing because I haven't wanted to bother Layne. He seemed to be alright tonight, so I gave it a try. It's always therapeutic for me...so, it was nice to have the chance.
I think one of the things I'm going to start doing is dating posts when they happened. So, that means you might need to check older posts if you want to read the whole story. It seems inconvenient, but I wanted to try for the correct chronological order so it'll make more sense later on.
I will also be adding more pictures and links.