His Blog

His Blog

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Reality Is...

I don't often think about the future without Layne. It's not an everyday realization. It would probably be too depressing if I were to focus on it. I just did a post about the most current happenings. And truthfully, today is one of those days that reality has struck. It's been a bit sobering and a little tearful.
There are times I think it would be nice to just be done...to just have things work out like I think they should and then be done with cancer. It seems that each step of the way, there has been a twist in the story for us. I'm beginning to not appreciate it (to say the least).
(I will need to post what I wrote earlier at a later date, considering some background is required for it to make more sense. I just decided to write it while it was fresh. I have to start somewhere, right?)

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Grateful for Little Things

Who was the crazy person that thought I could update a blog while diving into the holiday season? I wasn't getting it done before and now that life seems to feel a little busier...I'll just do one more thing...consistently.
Layne made Mazurka Bars today. I just did a taste test. They passed. I started to think again about who is going to make great stuff for us in the kitchen if Layne isn't able to do it. We would be without homemade hummus, guac., salsa and most currently bread. This doesn't sound very appealing to me.
Oh, and I'm also now remembering that I was thinking similar thoughts when Layne was showing me how to turn off the outside water (and do various other things) in order to be ready for winter. Our timing happened to be great because a day or two later we had snow...for three days straight.
I'm very grateful for all he does around here. He has taken on the task of the family laundry since he's been home too. Love that one! Today it was me out with the kids raking leaves while he was inside doing something that didn't take much energy. It's usually him doing those kinds of things, at least on a Saturday.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

It's been snowing for the last couple of days. The kids are out playing in it right now. It's kind of fun because it's early enough in the season that it's still a novelty. Even so, can't help but think of sunny Hawaii before winter is over.

Update?

Yes, we need an update! Here's a list of eventual posts.

Half Way Done!!
#7 Complete
The Saga Continues (Scan)
HiPec
Changes in Treatments
Layne at Home
Finances
Doctor
Homeschool
One thing after another...after another
There's more? (Reflux)
Not Sure About #8
Schedule???
Huntsman Hospital
Life Moves Forward
A.P.A.P.
Need to Write

I'm sure there are other items...just going off the top of my head right now.

I just found the list I jotted down a week ago. In addition to the items above, here are a few more. (I'll have to remember (eventually) what some of them meant. (So great to be old.)

How Layne's Feeling
Garage/Coat Hooks
FHE Talks
Holidays
General Conference Messages (Death)
Priesthood
Who Will? (Yard, Organize, Food, Explain to Kids)
Organize
Testimony
Library
Learn
Layne/Laundry
Family Together

Sunday, October 7, 2012

General Conference

Great week-end! I always look forward to General Conference. I'm never disappointed. This time was the first time ever that our whole family watched all four sessions in the same room. Occasionally, we have been in different rooms for multiple reasons. I like to be upstairs, a couple of the kids like to be downstairs because the screen is bigger, the kids will switch around because it seems to give them more to think about, it gives us a chance to 'divide and conquer'. This time, we did have a bigger screen upstairs. (We actually have a flat screen now...I'm sure it's the smallest size possible.) It's an improvement over the tiny screen TV we used to have in the front room. (It's quite probable that it's the size some people use in their vehicles to entertain children sitting in the back.)
So, we now have a larger screen, comfortable couches and kids that can actually sit still the whole time. (Or, at least most of the whole time.) They did a great job. I was so impressed. I don't think any of them even thought about the items that we used to use to entertain them. If they thought about it, no one said anything. Layne thanked them tonight and mentioned a couple of things I used to get out for them. They all said they had forgotten. (I'm going to continue to pretend that they loved it when I did those things. The effort was worth it. Right?) I think the only thing they would have changed is to have candy while they watched. But, they're always looking for an excuse on that one. Candy in the front room? Are you kidding me? They know better. (At least while Mom is watching.)
Jonny went to the Priesthood session for the first time. It was a great experience for him. It was fun to talk with them after they got back. The girls and I had a lovely evening all on our own. The first time...and, luckily not the last. I'm looking forward to having it be a special time just for us. We talked about the conference also. I almost didn't ask. I finally did while they were eating (late, of course). I'm so glad I did. They both talked about what they liked about it, how they felt and all on their own identified that they had felt the Holy Ghost and liked feeling the Spirit. My hope is that we can continue to provide opportunities for them to feel and recognize the Spirit. They will be so much more prepared for what is to come in the future if they can feel confident in their ability to recognize how He speaks to them. Their response will be so much quicker - they will be able to move into action instead of wondering what to do next because they're not sure about what they just felt/thought. I will always remember spending the evening with my girls. (We had other adventures too...like walking to the park, visiting the ducks, talking, having exactly what they wanted for dinner - because they had such a simple request and sharing laughs...and certainly, feeling the Spirit in our home and in ourselves.)
There were some great messages and I truly benefitted from all of the messages and music. Layne asked if there was a 'living with trials' thing going on. I noticed a few talks that spoke about death and losing loved ones...just a couple of tissues on some of those. I love the feeling that's in our home right now. We'll see how long it lasts into tomorrow.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Newest Development

We have more news. This time it was not about Layne's cancer...it was about his work.
Several people were laid off on Wednesday. Layne was asked into 'the office' and was told that they would not be able to match his disability pay anymore. (At least until things turned around financially for the company.) The employees met on Thursday and were assured that those that were there would all be staying. Later that afternoon, Layne spoke with the gal in HR. (She had been laid off the day before and will be staying through the month. She was going to talk with him on Wednesday, but was apparently a bit emotional and took the rest of the day off.) She explained a few more things and made the reality of the scenario sound much worse than it really is right now. She told Layne that he needed to take full time disability leave, that disability insurance would cover 60% of his salary, the Family Medical Leave Act will be terminated in a month and at that time, he could legally be laid off. The disability insurance would still be in place until his chemo was finished, but...with the possibility of being laid off in November...he might not have a job after his disability leave. We would need to sign up for Cobra for our health insurance (with a monthly payment). If he was lucky, he might still have a job and be able to return when the chemo treatments were completed. He asked if he could come in on Friday to finish up a couple of things. And, would working next week be a problem if he needed more time to complete a couple of things? (They're close to marketing the current product he's working on...it was quite possible he was going to need to work a few hours on the week-end in order to have everything ready for a group next week.) She told him that she would OK working on Friday with management...but, that he really needed to not come in the following week, or they could lay him off at that point. When he came home and told me about it. It sounded a little off. It was hard for me to believe some of it because this company is one of those 'just plain good people' kind of places. People are kind, give each other the benefit of the doubt and work well together. Moral is usually pretty high (except when there's a lay off). So, when he told me some of the news...I was a little mad. I couldn't believe they'd just say..."Go on, leave. And, make sure you take your stuff with you because you're probably not coming back." Seriously? They had always been so kind and accommodating. And now, they were kicking out the guy doing chemo! I then cried on his shoulder for about 30 seconds, and moved on pretty quickly. We talked just long enough for dinner to burn and the boys to finish their piano lessons with grandma while the girls were doing their 'calendar binders' with grandpa. (So great to have them here each week. We don't know what we're going to do when their mission is over.)
The real scenario came to light when Layne spoke with some of the management on Friday. Yes, he was asked to go on Disability Leave until his chemo is finished. It will be cheaper for them because his pay will come through the disability insurance instead of through the company. They have no intentions of laying him off in November. When Layne stated that detail, he kind of chuckled. Apparently, several of the others in management (some of Layne's closest friends at work) were all surprised when he asked about it. They told him that he was a great employee and needed him to come back so he could continue work on the project they're attempting to send to market. It's always nice to hear praise. He felt appreciated and relieved all at the same time.
So, the real deal is that he's going to be home for a few months. We'll be receiving 60% of his salary and we're thinking he'll still have a job in January (or February) when the doctors give him the green light for work after his chemo is complete.
We are very thankful. The reduced pay is not ideal. But, we've lived off less...not fun...but, we're thinking it's 'doable'. It will be similar to when we first moved into our home and Layne was doing a Post Doc. Right now, I'm glad we chose to purchase a home that fit with the salary of a Post Doc...instead of going with a salary that he 'could' be making at some point. So, instead of paying a little extra each month on the mortgage...we'll go back to just paying it off for the next few months.
A couple of items we talked about during that first conversation were the possible good things that could come out of this. Layne had the idea that maybe he doesn't have as long as we thought he had and this will be a good chance for him to spend time with the kids. I was glad we were homeschooling. The kids will actually be around for him to see. I also thought of the fact that he could help with some of the curriculum...math and science maybe. Oh...and if there are two people working on my 'to do' list, it might actually get done. Maybe. Layne was also aware that he needed to have a real plan for what he was going to accomplish. Otherwise, he feels like he'll squander too much time and regret it. (We went over some things today.) We're looking forward to some time together as a family. I almost wish there wasn't a need for it, but here we are. We also thought of the fact that I might be able to work on some 'income for the future' options. One of the guys at work to Layne that he could pick up with the homeschooling and I could start working. Hmm...not sure that's the first option I would go with...I don't quite see Layne and homeschooling four kids meshing.
Layne and I have different styles in just about everything...so, it'll be interesting to see how things work out. Maybe this is another opportunity for us to work together better. We're so used to taking on our own roles...should be interesting.










Thursday, October 4, 2012

Aloha!

We're going to Hawaii!! How cool is that? We had some kind people (my siblings) donate to our cause.  It was a huge surprise! We are very grateful (and yet still feel a little silly). I think I might still be in shock. We're excited to explore the views and beaches. Maybe I'll acquire a swimsuit from Title Nine before we go. Oh wait...I don't think they do sales. Hmm...