Anniversary

Yesterday was our 17th wedding anniversary. We went out Friday evening (leaving the kids with grandparents) and then spent some time with family on Saturday. We took a fall picture that I will attempt to post at some time. We had a memorable week-end.
I caught myself thinking about last year. At that point I wasn't sure if it would be the last time we would be able to celebrate together. I'm glad we've had another year. It's been a crazy one. I truly think we are closer as a couple for struggling through a few things as a team.
Here's to another year...crossing my fingers for the opportunity to celebrate together next year.

Future Plans

We dropped the boys off tonight for an event at the library. The girls had come with us because Layne was at a meeting. When we started back home, one of the girls mentioned that she missed the boys already. We started talking about spending time with family...and, the fact that all of them will eventually move out when they are adults. They weren't sure about the idea. I told them that their Dad and I would miss them when they were gone. I was reminded that by that time Layne will be gone and it would just be me that missed having the kids around that I get to spend time with each day. It sounded a bit lonely. I didn't mention anything to them about it. They might have asked why Dad would be gone and I'd have to explain about cancer and dying again. Instead, the conversation was turned to the future and the dreams they have for it. It'll be interesting to see what they choose.

Not Alone

I have been concerned about taking care of our family when Layne is gone. This morning I was asking for help in my prayers about this very topic. I have been flustered with looking into options for income and nothing seeming to be right. I have also been concerned about homeschool and if we'd be able to pull that off with just one parent. I have thought about all that needs to be done to maintain a home, yard, and family. I have also given quite a bit of thought about helping the kids with their testimonies on my own. There are so many concerns. I pleaded for help with being prepared to be alone. It seemed that before I was even finished with the sentence, a gentle voice stated, "You will not be alone.". I wept for a bit and then eventually pulled myself together. I think there are times I will probably feel lonely and overwhelmed...but, I also know that I will never be completely alone. I'm still a bit nervous about managing everything. But, it's nice to know that it won't just be me.

Grateful for...

This morning I was reminded of being grateful for new flannel sheets as I climbed into bed last night, because I was grateful for them again this morning. It's one of the indications of fall and chilly weather for me to start using the flannel sheets again. Layne actually bought a new set just a week or so ago.
I was attempting to wake up (I always consider this my first accomplishment for the day...after years of practice, I'm still not very good at it.) and thought of the fact that I was grateful for one more day to wake up next to Layne. I'm so thankful that he's still around and we continue to have time together. It reminds me that when we first found out about his cancer...there was a good chance he was going to be gone by now. I'm glad that's not the case.
I know when our experience here on earth is over, it's not the end of who we are or our relationships. I also know that at this point my preference is to have my husband and father of our kids here with us. All of that seems like he would be so far away...for such a long time. When that time does come, I hope it still feels like he's near and that the time will seem to go by at a decent pace...not slowly, as if in a bad dream that won't end.
Time to be done...I'm crying and the kids need breakfast.