Grateful for...

This morning I was reminded of being grateful for new flannel sheets as I climbed into bed last night, because I was grateful for them again this morning. It's one of the indications of fall and chilly weather for me to start using the flannel sheets again. Layne actually bought a new set just a week or so ago.
I was attempting to wake up (I always consider this my first accomplishment for the day...after years of practice, I'm still not very good at it.) and thought of the fact that I was grateful for one more day to wake up next to Layne. I'm so thankful that he's still around and we continue to have time together. It reminds me that when we first found out about his cancer...there was a good chance he was going to be gone by now. I'm glad that's not the case.
I know when our experience here on earth is over, it's not the end of who we are or our relationships. I also know that at this point my preference is to have my husband and father of our kids here with us. All of that seems like he would be so far away...for such a long time. When that time does come, I hope it still feels like he's near and that the time will seem to go by at a decent pace...not slowly, as if in a bad dream that won't end.
Time to be done...I'm crying and the kids need breakfast.

Scheduling

Layne went into another Wellness Appointment this morning. He goes in for more tests on Friday and to see the oncologist. Throughout the week he will also fit in a couple of days where he'll head into work for a few hours each time. He put in some hours last week and it ended up being longer than originally planned. I'm a bit worried about that part. The agreed upon eight hours will end up being ten or fifteen. Like I said before...we'll see how it goes.
It seems like it's just more to fit into the schedule. We also talked this morning about what we're going to do with the kids to help them be active. So, we're going to fit in some of those things around when Layne will be gone for work. We've gotten used to having him here. So, now it feels a bit like we're scheduling around his work schedule.

Current Goals

The past week has brought a couple of new goals to light. Layne has been keeping in touch with fellow employees at work. He's thinking about returning for a few hours a week. We'll see how it goes.
He's also working with the guy he does his 'wellness appointments' with to start running again. I'm sure they're not talking a marathon any time soon...but, Layne would like to attempt to actually get some running in again - eventually.
It seems odd to be working on goals that seem to work toward a future. We have been attempting to make sure we're prepared for Layne to be gone - but, to have plans that include him being around for a least a little bit is a slight shift for us. It's not a complaint. It's just realizing...again...that there's always a reason we're adjusting to a new normal.

Chilly

Layne went golfing this morning. He has been cold ever since. It's only mid-October. I'm not ready for him to be cold yet. This is the guy that used to think about whether to wear pants or shorts to work on a day like today. It's a little chilly - but, not cold. A beautiful autumn day actually.
About the golf - they went to a place not too far away. I was glad a friend from work contacted him about it. I'm glad he 'works' with great people. He has some true friends from there who are just good people.

Most Recent Results

The results from yesterday were about the same as they were last time we went. We were glad there was no growth. Well, there was a small amount of change, but there has to be a 20% change in order to count. So, we're still hoping that what is working will continue to do so.

Happy Oncologist

We went in for the results of Layne's scan today. The tumors have no significant growth. So, Layne will continue doing what he's doing. The oncologist seemed thrilled. He came in saying there was good news. I think he was just glad there were no new visible tumors and that what was there had basically stayed the same. That's apparently great in his line of work. We thought a miracle would be really cool...such as no tumors at all. But, reality had to take over.
Layne will go in again in a couple of weeks to do what's required for the trial. They need to their updates too. After that, there will be a scan again in a couple of months for another update on the tumors. It seems we're moving forward.

"It's Just A C.T. Scan."

I asked Layne this morning if he wanted me to go with him for his appointments. His response was, "It's just a CT scan." I had to chuckle. I think he's the only person I've heard make that statement. He said it would be mostly sitting around and then I couldn't go into the room for the actual scan anyway. I thought he might want some company. But, that only comes at the price of not being here at home and he's sensitive to the fact that we're starting 'school' today. (I had to put it in quotes because we're a bit relaxed about it right now. We all need to ease into it. Although, I'm excited about some of the things we'll be doing this year. But, that's a different blog all together...so, time to move on.)
Layne's scan will be today and then he'll discuss the results with the oncologist tomorrow. We'll see if  I  get to be there for that or not. I like being there when he gets results back from his tests because it seems to sound different coming from the oncologist than it does from Layne. He'll describe it more in matter of fact scientific terms. Somehow I feel like there's more sympathy if it comes from Dr. Guerrido (and his compassionate nurse). It's almost as if they realize that what they're saying is pretty serious stuff. And, he always wants to be sure we understand what he's telling us. Layne understands quite well. (He's always been good about explaining his scientific world in simple terms.) Sometimes he misses the human aspect of it. We'll see what tomorrow brings.