To Do List

So much to do. I think I've said that before - but, seriously...it's true. We just got back from a trip to Nauvoo for a reunion with my family. Layne has not been feeling well. He chose to go anyway. If things continue as they are it will be his last one. He spent a good chunk of time resting in our room. (The room just happened to be perfect for a guy that needed to be close to a bathroom and still have it be quiet in a house full of about twenty or so people. Once the door was closed, we truly couldn't tell that there was even anyone else in the house. We stayed in the Hyrum Smith home. It was perfect for what we needed. A big thank you to the reunion planners, our 'housemates', and my parents.)
Now that we are back we get to catch up on a few things and dig into what needs to be done next. The garden and yard need some work. Then there's the mail, the laundry, and the grocery store. Oh, and all of the messages that didn't get taken care of during the week. (We didn't have any reception while we were there.) There's also the regrouping with the kids. There are always projects to work on, things to do, and places to go. We still need to work on the people to see one.
I have been reminded again today that if something needs to be done around here. I'm the one that gets to be in charge of it. Layne is just not up for more than sitting these days. That...and telling the rest of us what to do. He's always been good at that. We'll know he's truly losing his battle when he chooses to give up on micromanaging.
I have made a list of things to do. Now, if I just had the get up and go...I would get up and go.

Sealings

My family is doing *sealings in the Nauvoo temple during our reunion. I just thought about doing sealings without Layne. I would be great with being proxy for a daughter, but I won't be able to handle being a proxy for the wife without Layne being there to be proxy for the husband. I'm not ready to kneel across the alter with anyone else. I know it's just proxy - but, still. My heart wouldn't be in it.
*(For those not familiar with the work that happens in temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe that it's possible to have those of us who are still around stand in as proxy for those who have passed away. The sealing ordinance is what helps a family be together after this our mortal experience.)

Waking up

woke up late this morning. the day started while layne and i stayed in bed. he was still asleep. i just wanted to lay next to him for a bit. i don't know how many more times i'll be able to do that. i watch him in pain and know that his days are numbered. i don't like it - but, it's not my decision to make. tears come quickly these days.

Nauvoo or Bust

My family is having a reunion in Nauvoo this year. Layne isn't sure he's going to go. He's not sure he's up to doing things that take energy and mean lots of crowds. He also thinks he wants to go to be helpful and make sure things run smoothly for our family. He's not sure about leaving me in charge. I'm sure he thinks I'm capable. He just worries. He can't be running the show if he's not there.:}
I don't want him to feel like he's obligated to go. I know he's in pain and is constantly exhausted. If he were to go, he'd have to keep things low key. Sometimes he says he would be in pain wether he's at home or elsewhere, so he might as well go. This time he's saying he's not sure he wants to be in so much pain so far away from home. We'll see what happens in the next few days.

Still Working

Noticed this from about a month ago...

I just talked with Layne. He's been doing an errand or two and then will be heading to work for a little while. He was already exhausted. I feel bad for him, the pain he's in, and that things that used to be part of a day take all of his energy.