Point At You

This is another one that reminds me of Layne. He introduced the song to me. I just had to do the link instead of the actual video...wouldn't work for me. It's a Justin Moore song called 'Point at You'. He told me I was better at representing us in public than he was...I was the one that made us look good...the 'better half'. I don't know about that. It's fun to have the memory of being on a date and having this song come on...he would sing it in his twangy voice and point at me on cue.

Missing Each Other

In the last post I went straight to my thoughts at the time of Megan's question. Maybe I'll continue with that conversation now. It reminded me of when Rachel and I were talking and I really felt like Layne wanted me to let her know that he missed her before she left the room at the end of our conversation. (I'm not sure I've posted that one yet. I'll need to check.) Megan asking if her Dad ever missed us was tender. I'm glad they think about their dad. Her actual question was really about whether I had ever thought of that before. I think she was just being curious and wanted to start a conversation.
We talked about Dad being gone...about him leaving...about all of us still being here...how we at least still have each other. Yes, I think he misses us. I told her about my realization a little while ago that  he does miss us. (That might be another one I haven't posted yet.)
There are times I wish things were different - but, they're not. Layne is gone and we are here. So, we're all just trying to make the best of it. I know he is...not sure how...but, somehow I just know he's busier than he's ever been and he thinks that's a good thing. He'll always be known as a 'doer'.

Growing Old Together

We were listening to this song when Megan asked, "Do you think Dad ever misses us?". She brought me out of my thoughts where the lyrics talk about growing old together. Finding out you have cancer at age forty is not growing old together. Layne dying two days after his forty fourth birthday...that's not growing old together. By that point, he was hoping to 'be done' before his birthday. I remember he waited for me to come home the afternoon he passed away. He was so ready to be done...but, not without saying good-bye and telling me he loved me one last time...a testament of his commitment and grit all at the same time. Whenever my mind wanders to what the future might have been...it feels a bit unfair. Life is different knowing you'll be growing old all on your own. I am aware that others have done it...and it will continue to be done...it's just not what the plan was supposed to be. There's just remembering when...